I Can't Let You Fall
by LovesDragons
Summary: Hartley can't let the accelerator explode, not when it might kill Cisco. Not when Cisco has always been kind, and once saved his life. Warnings inside, Hartmon.


**_I've never written something like this so please tell me how it is. A note about depression for people who don't know, it often means a person feels apathetic rather than constantly sad, sort of indifferent to the world. One part of therapy is getting them involved in things that do interest them, which I felt for Hartley would be a challenge of sorts. Please review and enjoy._**

 ** _Warnings: Attempted suicide/mentions of self-harm/depression_**

 _ **I own nothing.**_

"Allow me to introduce Cisco Ramon." Dr. Wells began, smiling at the young engineer.

"Mr. Ramon has one of the finest scientific minds I have ever seen." He continued and stopped. He had not noticed in the moment Cisco had entered the office, but Hartley's face had gone dead white, as if he'd seen a ghost. Cisco had grinned at Wells but the moment he saw Hartley the expression changed, a mix of confusion and somehow, relief?

There was a pause as the two stared at each other silently. It took a moment for Wells to identify the look in Hartley's eyes before he realized the young man was afraid…of Cisco? He was not entirely sure what he saw in Cisco's eyes but he didn't think it was regret or cruelty so what had happened between these two?

After what felt like hours Cisco took a step forward and held out his hand. "Cisco Ramon."

Hartley stood before taking the hand. "Hartley Rathaway." The handshake was quick. "Shall I show you around?" Cisco gave a warm, shining smile and with Dr. Wells's agreement the two men left.

The hidden speedster leaned back and wondered just what he had brought to his labs.

Δ

Hartley walked through the labs, quietly pointing out rooms and instructions to Cisco, who absorbed it all like a sponge. Then Hartley mentioned an equation some of the staff had been having trouble with and Cisco solved it.

He stared at it for a moment, thinking, and then solved it.

Hartley had already figured out the problem and had meant to tell Dr. Wells after their game, but the shock of seeing Cisco had driven it from his mind. He smiled, a fleeting thing. Perhaps this would not be as awkward as he'd thought.

"Oh my god, you solved it!" Exclaimed a delighted voice.

Both men turned. Dr. Caitlin Snow stood behind them, staring at the equation. She smiled at Cisco. "You must be new. Dr. Caitlin Snow."

"Cisco Ramon." Cisco said shaking her hand.

"Please tell your boyfriend I need the data by end of day." Hartley said, trying and failing to regain his usual aloofness; his voice still shook slightly.

Caitlin said nothing but he thought she noticed; her voice was less sharp than it would have been when she replied "Actually it's the end of Ronnie's day. We're leaving early." She shot Cisco a smile. "My boyfriend's taking me out for our one-year anniversary."

"Aww. That's sweet." The smile on Cisco's face was genuine and unbelievably kind. It was one of the things that had stuck firmly in his head. Caitlin smiled and left them alone.

Δ

Cisco found Hartley again at the end of his first day. The other man was leaning over his desk, sketching. Cisco leaned over his shoulder to look.

"Working late on your first day?"

"What's the suit for?"

Hartley hesitated a moment before handing the design to him. "My former music teacher's boyfriend, now husband, is a firefighter. I thought of making something to help them with the heat, though I don't yet have a model and the fabric isn't quite right."

"It's going to be brilliant once you finish it." Cisco replied, setting down the design and turning to Hartley. The scientist toyed with his pencil, avoiding Cisco's gaze.

"How are you doing?" The engineer asked. Not if he was alright, because Cisco knew that so many people asked that and it wasn't always the best question, but how he was doing, because Hartley's problem was one that took time to cure.

"I'm-better, I suppose. Much better. The work here is nice. There's some challenge in it."

Cisco grinned. "Well I suppose I'll just have to challenge you a bit more."

This shocked a laugh from Hartley and he stood. "I should get going."

Cisco nodded, though he thought the other still looked lonely. "Alright." They left together and before they could split apart to find their cars Hartley placed a hand on Cisco's shoulder.

"Cisco?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Δ

Caitlin watched Cisco and Hartley work together on a part of the accelerator that had been giving everyone trouble. They had been working together on nearly every project set before them and Caitlin was noticing a change.

It had been awkward for about a month when Cisco first arrived at S.T.A.R Labs. Caitlin got the sense that the two had met, somewhere, and whatever happened then led to both Hartley and Cisco being unsure how to act around the other.

But they began to settle as the first month ended. They were both brilliant, they both had that spark, that mental brilliance as Dr. Wells had said. Caitlin didn't know what Cisco was like before S.T.A.R. Labs so she couldn't say if he had changed, but Hartley had become less cutting though he still kept everyone but Cisco at arm's length. Caitlin had recognized the defense technique, though somehow Cisco had wormed-no not even that, he'd always been past Hartley's shields. For some reason Hartley couldn't keep Cisco away. The scientist was still sarcastic, but there was less heat in his words and none when he spoke to Cisco. His voice took on an almost teasing quality then, and Caitlin saw Cisco tease right back.

It became a daily occurrence to see them huddled over some project, including independent ones outside labs. Once Ronnie had taken her to get ice cream and they had found Cisco and Hartley there, talking about sound waves and each with a sundae.

Briefly Caitlin had wondered if the two were dating before setting the thought on her shelf of Things That May Happen But Haven't. They didn't have the look of a dating couple, more that of friends who had seen the darkest in each other and pulled each other through.

She wondered what they had seen, and prayed that they would always be there for the other. For she knew Cisco was at least uncomfortable around his family, and she knew not who would support Hartley if Cisco didn't.

Δ

Flashback:

Hartley stood mere steps from the edge of the roof, looking over the city. It was night and yet the city was too bright, golden lights revealing streets and cars and wandering happy people.

He wanted to be happy but had lost even the urge for that in his depression. So little seemed to matter and then he took another hit.

He was tired, tired of feeling nothing but worthless and when uselessness wasn't crushing him he felt-nothing.

He took another step.

"Stop!"

Surprise, an emotion he hadn't felt in a long time, tore through him nearly forcing him to his knees with its strength. He stumbled back from the edge. A strong, calloused hand gripped his and pulled him away, towards the center of the roof where he could not see the drop. The hand moved to his shoulders and then there were two hands, pressing him down.

He sat without any resistance and was joined by another man. There was something odd about his somber face and it took a couple minutes for Hartley to figure it out; this was a face that was meant for smiles.

"Why do you want to jump?"

Not did. The stranger knew or guessed Hartley would jump given the opportunity. Words found themselves bubbling in his throat, over his tongue. "I am worthless."

"Are you sure?" Black eyes caught his grey ones and forced Hartley to hold the gaze. "I'm not sure about that."

"You don't know me." The numbness was lessening at the challenge in the man's voice, daring Hartley to talk.

"Do you like pie?"

"What?" The numbness had faded, confusion rising.

"I know this great diner that serves a wonderful peach pie; it's just a couple blocks away. Want to come?"

Hartley hesitated and the other man said nothing, waiting with calm eyes till Hartley spoke. "Alright."

The man pulled him to his feet and did not let go of his hand as they walked down the fire escape and down the street to the small diner. It was late and there were no customers but the waitress came to them with a welcoming smile that was oddly genuine. The man asked for a root beer and after a moment, Hartley ordered the same.

The man, who looked a little younger than Hartley now that he could see clearly, took a sip of his drink and said, "Are you hungry?"

"Not very."

"When was the last time you ate?"

Hartley blinked. He still felt numb but it had faded. The more he was given questions he wasn't quite sure the answers to, the more it dulled. "I think I had cereal for breakfast."

"Will you eat something now with me? The roasted chicken is good."

Hartley looked at the menu and weariness crept back on him. "I guess."

He had the other man order though and their sandwiches were there in what could have been five minuets or fifty. Hartley took a few small bites and would have stopped there but the strange man cajoled and challenged till Hartley finished the sandwich and some of the fries as well as most of the drink. Then the man asked again if he liked pie and when Hartley replied that he preferred cobbler, the man gave him the warmest, happiest smile.

"A slice of peach pie and of blackberry cobbler then." He told the waitress, who left with a smile and returned with warm desserts topped with a bit of whipped cream.

Hartley toyed with his spoon. Somehow he was feeling more alive than he had in weeks.

"Who told you you were worthless?"

"My parents." Hartley couldn't tell whether he was talking because it didn't matter or because a part of him desperately wanted it.

"Why?"

"Why are you pushing it?" He yelled suddenly, about to leave when the man grabbed his hand and held it there. He waved off the staff, eyes never leaving Hartley, and he didn't let go.

"Because I know what it's like to feel devalued. Only I dealt with my pain in a different way." His free hand reached for the sleeve of his blazer and pulled it up, revealing the pale white scars that marred creamy brown skin.

Hartley let his hand trace one of the scars dangerously close to the thick web of veins in the wrist. "Why?"

"You tell me first." That note of challenge. Again it pushed away some of the numbness.

"I told my parents I was gay." Hartley said finally. "I'm good at this, I know I am, but it's never enough. And than I told them I was gay and they, exploded." He tapped the fading bruise along his jaw. "They disowned me, cast me out. I had to drop out of college."

"So you feel worthless." The man thumb rubbed soothing circles over Hartley's knuckles. "What did you say you were good at?"

"Science." Hartley murmured. "Building things. Theory. Fixing them. I wrote an article on sound waves that was published but they didn't think it was in a good enough journal."

More circles. Hartley found himself staring at the thumb as it made its way across his skin. "What's your story?"

"My brother's a good piano player, great actually. My parents always ignored me in favor of him and I was lonely. This," he tapped a scar. "Was me paying attention to myself because no one else would."

"Why did you stop?"

The man reached out and pressed Hartley's fingers, which still rested on the stranger's arm, into the raised scar. "I nearly died. That was an accident. I cut to deep, and to close to those veins. Afterwards, I knew I needed to stop. Took two hours to talk to a therapist and worked the rest out on my own with his advice, we couldn't pay for more. I'm not so over it I don't get the urge occasionally, but it's mostly gone. What do you like aside from science?"

"Music."

"Play any instruments?"

"Piano. Flute."

"Sing?"

"A little."

"Ever try composing?" Hartley knew the surprise showed on his face. "I think you should try that. It would be a challenge."

Hartley took his hand that had been pressed into the man's scar and finished the cobbler, turning notes and equations over in his head. When he finished he leaned back in his seat. "They do make good cobbler."

Another brilliant warm smile and Hartley realized that the man's eyes had always been genuinely warm. "I think if you take that musical challenge, if you play with your sound waves, you might start feeling again."

Notes were setting themselves on a staff, lending themselves to a possibility. Hartley tried to tap them out against the hard plastic of the table.

"That sounds good."

"It could sound better." Hartley muttered, his gaze catching sight of the check on the table. "Um…"

"I'll get it. And I know you'll make it better. By the time you're done with it, it will be brilliant, and so will you."

"I need to write this down." Hartley whispered, excited for the first time in so long. The stranger smiled, sun in the night and released his hand, letting Hartley run from the diner to his apartment, where there was paper and pencils and a flute he had kept that he could play on.

It wasn't until there were three sheets scribbled with notes to a weary lullaby that Hartley realized he'd never thanked the man, nor gotten his name.

Δ

The pain and betrayal had been sharp at Wells's threat, but it was barely a minute after the four goons escorted him from the particle accelerator that the familiar numbness oh god he'd thought he'd lost it spread pins and needles all over his body. They didn't even let him collect his bag merely took him to the doors and let the chilled evening chill his body further.

"Hartley?"

Cisco. Always there even when he didn't ask, always offering support and making Hartley laugh inside with his shirts, burning away the numbness with his challenges and warming the very air with his smiles.

Cisco had his own issues in his past and yet he was still a sun burning on earth. Hartley couldn't let that sun die.

"I can't talk."

"Hartley-"

"I can't!" Real tears were forming in his eyes but the hand hidden from view of the Labs signed _peach pie. Now._

Cisco gave a tiny nod, having learned sign language from a cousin who worked with deaf children. "I'll talk to you later then Hartley." He went to his car and Hartley went to his.

They met at the diner, Cisco arriving a little before Hartley and choosing the same table he had when he had first brought Hartley here; near the window but towards the back of the diner. In their own time each had come back, but never together nor had they seen each other across checkered cloth and steaming coffee.

Hartley sat down and played with the edge of the checkered cloth, grey eyes fixed on a red square.

"Are you hungry?"

He nodded, and took the menu. Cisco had gotten into the habit of nagging him about food when he'd discovered that because Hartley's father had always been pushing him to study, improve, _be better_ ; Hartley had sometimes neglected eating properly and even now missed meals without noticing. In return Hartley covered for Cisco when the other was so tired he needed a nap in the middle of the day; Cisco worked too late sometimes.

He ordered a burger; Cisco ordered spaghetti. Midway through the meal Cisco set his hand on Hartley's. "You know you can tell me anything right Hart?" The scientist gave a ghost of a smile at the nickname.

"Let me finish, please." He needed the calm, needed the time to order his mind so that he would not break down in the restaurant. Cisco nodded and did not remove his hand.

They finished their meal in silence and ordered desserts the waitress did not need to ask about. Cisco moved so that he was sitting on Hartley's side of the booth and the scientist tensed before relaxing as Cisco wrapped an arm around him.

"Tell me what's wrong."

The story spilled out, the equations Hartley had found, the times he'd mentioned errors to Wells and been assured they would be fixed but finding them unchanged a week later, making simulations and finally going to look at the accelerator, the beauty they had created a ticking bomb and Wells's threat.

Cisco was silent for a long time after Hartley finished and the scientist couldn't look at him but played with the hem of Cisco's shirt. This one had a picture of Darth Vader's helmet and the words "Keep Calm and Join the Dark Side."

"I believe you." He said softly. "But I need to see the equations."

It caught up to Hartley then, the betrayal pushed down by the sense of deep relief and the sudden striking fact that Cisco really wouldn't leave him and he began to cry softly, turning Cisco's blazer wet with tears.

He felt warm arms wrap around him, rocking gently while Cisco murmured comforts in a mix of Spanish and English.

"I can't lose you." Hartley whispered under tears. "You're like the sun, I need that light. I'm going to lose myself again if I can't find you."

"Hartley I wasn't completely steady when I met you." Cisco whispered. "I slipped, now and then. You anchored me, reminded me I could still help people. I'll be your sun forever if you'll be my rock."

Hartley managed a watery smile and Cisco kissed him.

Soft lips moved together and when they parted Cisco pulled Hartley closer to him, nestling the smaller man in his arms.

When Hartley's managed to dry his tears they finish their dessert. Walking out Cisco sees that Hartley is unsteady with sheer exhaustion and, not trusting him behind the wheel, offers him a ride. Hartley though falls asleep in the car before he can tell Cisco where he lives and the engineer's not about to wake him up when the other so desperately need it. So he brings Hartley to his apartment and tucks the scientist into his bed, finding and saving a certain security video before sliding in next to him, soon surrendering to the same sleep that claimed his love.

Δ

"So you're telling me the Harrison Wells intends to blow up the particle accelerator?" The detective raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

"More like it's being built to explode." Cisco said. The two scientists had agreed to let Cisco do the talking; Hartley verbally slicing the officers in his anxiety would do them no favors. "We have data that shows this and the security video of Wells blackmailing Hartley which, I might add, I had to do a good deal of digging through the back up files to find as it had been deleted."

Detective Joe West took a closer look at the two men. They were both young, and though the long-haired man wore a shirt with the words "Keep Calm and Han Shot First" there was a remarkable gravity in their eyes. He found himself believing them in his gut despite the silence from the other man, who wore dark glasses around his grey eyes.

There were complaints and controversies about the accelerator all over the city and while certainly the precinct was aware of it to Joe's knowledge no one had said anything about it being _made_ to blow up and certainly not with evidence like this.

He saw a familiar face running towards the upstairs lab. Late as usual. "Barry!" He turned and Joe beckoned with an exasperated smile. He turned back to the scientists. "My foster son Barry is our assistant CSI and the kind of physics nerd who studied it in college as well as forensics. He can analyze both your data and the video, you understand with an accusation this serious I need the opinion of someone I know."

He received nods as Barry ran up to his desk. "Sorry sorry sorry the bus was late so I walked part of the way and then nearly missed it-"

"I think you found a kindred spirit Cisquito." The grey-eyed man muttered with the ghost of a smile.

"I do not make a habit of being late." His friend muttered in return but his smile was broader.

"I don't believe I got your names." Joe said turning back to the two men.

"Francisco Ramon. Cisco." Said the man who had done all the talking. He slung an arm over his friend's shoulder. "This is my boyfriend, Hartley Rathaway." From the faint blush on the man's face and the surprise quickly masked in grey eyes Hartley had not been expecting the title.

Joe explained the situation quickly to Barry, whose expression warred over the story between shock and doubt before settling on disbelief.

"I don't believe that."

"Maybe we should find a less biased source then." Hartley snapped.

Joe's head jerked towards the young man at his tone; Cisco gripped Hartley's shoulder, whispering words in Spanish into his boyfriend's ear. Finished, he removed his arm from Hartley's shoulders and instead took his hand, rubbing circles over the knuckles.

Joe watched the tension leak from Hartley at Cisco's actions and, remembering how Hartley had gripped Cisco's hand through their earlier talk, felt sudden warmth for the willing support they shared.

"Sorry. This is a difficult blow for me to take and I do not like being doubted when I gave Wells my loyalty." Hartley said softly, meeting Barry's gaze unflinchingly. "But everything Cisco has said is true. We were in the leading team of the accelerator; we do not want to see the death toll its explosion will cause."

Barry nodded solemnly. Cisco handed him a flash drive. "Give me forty, maybe fifty minutes to look at everything and I'll be right back, assuming no one comes through with an "analyze this this second!" project." He ran to his lab.

"Which means he's going to take closer to an hour if Sara left anything on his desk." Joe muttered. He looked at the two men, the lingering fear and worry in their eyes. "How about we go for lunch? My daughter works at Jitters."

Iris grinned at them when she saw them walking through the door. Joe said only that the two may be his next case; Iris wished them well as she handed over their lunches. He tried to get the two to talk about their work before Hartley was fired, but stopped quickly. At the moment it was unnecessarily and the pain in their eyes was clear. Instead he made small talk with Cisco, Hartley occasionally injecting a sarcastic comment. Joe might have been insulted had the words not clearly been meant in jest and he saw Cisco smile warmly every time Hartley chose to speak.

Joe's cell rang and he picked it up, Barry's voice coming in over the phone. "They're right about the equations. If this goes through the accelerator will explode. Joe-there's no telling how much damage it will do, how many could die. And the video hasn't been tampered with, I'm certain, I sent it to a friend in Starling who's a genius with computers to double check. Cisco and Hartley, they're right."

Barry didn't say the other words, but Joe knew they were on his mind. "Thanks Barry. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry." He hung up and looked at the two men who, if they had remained silent, would have felt the deaths of who knows how many on their consciousness. They stared back at him, seriousness fitting oddly on Cisco's face.

"We'd best talk to the Captain."

Δ

Despite Cisco and Hartley's fears the arrests went rather smoothly. With no warning Wells wasn't even able to muddy Hartley's name as he'd promised. He did give them several glares that made both men incredibly thankful looks couldn't kill.

Both men were accepted at Mercury Labs, which was considering taking over the particle accelerator but had as of yet made no final decision. Many of the former STAR Labs employees joined them there, including Caitlin and Ronnie who were married a month after the accelerator would have been turned on. Attending that wedding did not stop Cisco from wearing a shirt that said 'Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.' Thankfully that quote was on the back of the shirt (the front had a picture of two intertwined rings) so no one saw it until after the ceremony when Cisco removed his white blazer. Most of the guests laughed, Hartley allowed his own amusement to show, having already expressed his own annoyance to his boyfriend that morning.

Cisco returned from his dance with the bride laughing to sit by Hartley, who tugged gently at his loose black hair, receiving a smile in return. Cisco wrapped his arm around Hartley and tugged him closer, letting Hartley rest after playing flute for over an hour at for the dances. The very air shimmered with happiness and Hartley felt the sun that was Cisco brim with it. He watched Caitlin and Ronnie, sharing sweet smiles and adoring glances and something twitched in his chest.

"Are you alright?" Cisco murmured. He seemed to have a sixth sense where Hartley was concerned.

"Marry me." Hartley said. He felt Cisco freeze next to him and rushed on. "I know it's only been a little while but you always support me, you're always there-"

He was cut off by hungry lips on his. He returned the kiss eagerly, fingers sinking into hair and tracing the light scars Cisco had showed him, felt Cisco's own hands wrap around his waist.

Cisco pulled away for air. "Yes. Definitely yes." He whispered, peppering light kisses all over Hartley's face before returning to his lips.

"Good news?"

Cisco finished the very through kiss before turning to Iris, who had become good friends with Caitlin when the two had met during Wells's trial. "We're getting married."

Iris squealed and congratulated them before finding Barry, Joe, and the happy couple and dragging them over to congratulate Hartley and Cisco.

"I owe you a ring." He whispered to his now fiancé.

"You already asked."

"I still want to."

"How about I get your wedding ring and you get mine?" Hartley agreed to that, favoring Cisco with a sweet kiss that drew ohhs from the girls. He shot them all a glare without heat when he finished and leaned his head against Cisco's shoulder with a happy sigh. He was neither numb nor sad and he was getting married to a living sun. All was well.

Δ

 _ **I could write another if people want, either domestic stuff with their life or Wells coming back to make the Flash, but I'd need a bit of advice on how to do it. So review!**_


End file.
